Diogenes-Light: The 2014 Morning Jolt In and Out List

Morning Jolt
. . . with Jim Geraghty

January 1, 2014

The 2014 Morning Jolt In and Out List

The Washington Post Style section always begins the year with an "In" and "Out" list, usually a combination of obvious choices; references to bands and minor celebrities I've never heard of, and most years, a dash or two of predictable liberal snark. (In the Post Style section, conservative figures are always on the way out, but they never got around to mention them becoming "in.")

So for the world outside 1150 15th St. Northwest in Washington, D.C., here's what's really going out with 2013 and coming in to our lives in 2014:

Regarding 2016 . . .

OUT: Chris Christie Buzz
IN: Scott Walker Buzz

OUT: "Benghazi will hurt Hillary's 2016 chances."
IN: "Not getting jack squat done as secretary of state will hurt Hillary's 2016 chances."

OUT: Ted Cruz's status as the grassroots' favorite Republican.
IN: Mike Lee's status as the grassroots' favorite Republican.

Regarding Obamacare . . .

OUT: Premium sticker shock for Obamacare insurance purchasers.
IN: Deductible sticker shock for Obamacare insurance purchasers.

OUT: Ludicrous waiting time to get through HealthCare.gov.
IN: Ludicrous waiting time for an available doctor's appointment.

OUT: Democratic senators trying to downplay their votes for Obamacare.
IN: Democratic senators blaming their votes for Obamacare on evil twins.

OUT: First-term Obama officials bailing out in the second term.
IN: Second-term Obama officials bailing out health-insurance companies.

Regarding foreign policy . . .

OUT: Washington Ignoring Syria Not Honoring Its Deal
IN: Washington Ignoring Iran Not Honoring Its Deal

OUT: The horror of attacks on gays in Russia by thuggish goons.
IN: The horror of attacks on everybody in Russia by terrorists.

OUT: Everybody Fighting Everybody Through Proxies in Syria
IN: Everybody Fighting Everybody Through Proxies Throughout the Middle East

OUT: Ed Snowden
IN: The next employee in the national-security complex who wants to become an instant celebrity in exile with a cushy lifestyle underwritten by a foreign government.

Regarding the Economy . . .

OUT: Jobless Recovery Summer!
IN: Stagnant Wage Recovery!

OUT: Disproportional Blather About Income Disparity
IN: Maximum Hype over the Minimum Wage

OUT: D.C. Elites Rooting for the Washington Nationals
IN: D.C. Elites Rooting for Washington to Nationalize Industries

OUT: Amazon Drone Deliveries
IN: Domino's Pizza Drone Deliveries

OUT: Now you don't have to shut down your cell phone during a flight!
IN: Now your airline seat is the size of your cell phone!

OUT: Siri.
IN: Siri and the Jawbone wrist heart-rate monitor merge to form one device urging you to get healthy, eat right, get to bed early, wake up early, exercise, and stand up straight. The app is called "Mom."

OUT: The need for recovery of the American economy.
IN: The need for recovery of American optimism.

Regarding the 2014 elections . . .

OUT: "Florida Governor Rick Scott has no chance at reelection."
IN: "Florida Governor Rick Scott's giant pile of money has a solid chance at reelection."

OUT: Liberals' hopes of gun control passage being stymied by the voters of Colorado.
IN: Liberals' hopes of electing Wendy Davis being stymied by the voters of Texas.

OUT: Democratic fundraising e-mails warning of President Obama's impeachment.
IN: Republican fundraising e-mails promising President Obama's impeachment.

Regarding Congress . . .

OUT: Gun-control proposals.
IN: Dangerous, mentally-disturbed-individual control proposals.

OUT: Marco Rubio earning applause from the MSM for his work on the Gang of Eight immigration deal.
IN: Marco Rubio getting scathing coverage from the MSM as he embraces conservative proposals to overcome distrust driven by his work on the Gang of Eight immigration deal.

OUT: Fighting about the nomination of Chuck Hagel.
IN: Going months without noticing or remembering that Chuck Hagel is currently the secretary of defense.

Regarding the culture . . .

OUT: Divided America
IN: Captain America

OUT: Fighting Carbon Emissions by Buying an Electric Car
IN: Fighting Carbon Emissions by Extinguishing the Flaming Wreck of Your Electric Car

OUT: Pope-mania
IN: The Dalai Lama getting the Duck Dynasty treatment when his Hollywood fans realize Buddhist teachings prohibit "sex between men, solitary masturbation, oral or anal intercourse, and even sex during daylight."

OUT: Twerking
IN: Actual Dance Floor Insemination

OUT: MSNBC's prime-time lineup insisting every GOP position is driven by racial discrimination.
IN: MSNBC's prime-time lineup insisting every GOP position is driven by gender discrimination.

OUT: Hollywood remakes.
IN: Hollywood remakes of previous Hollywood remakes.

OUT: Everyone getting their 15 minutes of fame.
IN: Everyone getting their 15 minutes of infamy.

ADDENDUM: I know this feeling, Matt Dawson:

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